Post-op appointment and surgery pics...

I met with Dr. Griffin today for my post-op appointment. He is just so kind and caring. I really like him and feel like he really truly cares about our case. He takes all the time in the world with me, and tolerates my many questions. I haven't, either time meeting with him, felt rushed or like he was in a hurry. Today, my appointment was at 3:30. I was taken back at 3:23 and he came into the room at 3:29. Talk about prompt. I spent about 40 minutes with him.

 

He checked my incision sites and said that they look wonderful. He even told me I heal beautifully! (I've never been told this. I typically develop keloid scars while healing, and doctors are always surprised when it happens even when I tell them it will.) He asked if my belly button area was still bothering me and he asked how long the gas pain in my shoulders lasted. He clearly paid attention when I talked to him on the phone the day after surgery and remembered what I said. I don't know why this shocks me when as far as I'm concerned, this should be the norm among medical professionals. Sadly, in my experience, it isn't.

 

We talked about moving forward with an IVF. If we do, it would not be until April. The doctors in the clinic take turns doing IVF each month. He is currently managing IVF patients in January, and will be again during April. I expressed how important it was to me to have no one other than him manage my cycle if we move forward. He assured me that he would time everything so that he would be managing my cycle. He even would time it so our retrieval/transfer would occur the week he is on call through the weekend too (just to play it safe that I wouldn't have a different doctor for either). He is putting us on the schedule to ensure we will be all set if my husband and I agree to move forward. My mind is made up, now I have to convince my husband. (Oh, and there is the little issue of coming up with more money. If only money grew on trees.) 

 

OK, you are probably dying to see my pictures, so without further ado...

 

 

 

The biopsy of the tube came back indicating healed chronic salpingitis and focal hydrosalpinx. Dr. Griffin said this tube was a breeding ground for ectopic pregnancies!

Right now, I feel optimistic and OK.  This can change hour to hour, so I can't guarantee what will happen ten minutes from now.

In the meantime, I plan to get my ass back on track with my weight loss. Ideally, if we cycle in April, I have 3 full months to get moving. I could lose 30 more pounds. That would make me VERY happy and put us in an even better position for success with an IVF cycle. And it all starts right now!!

So much to update....

I can't believe it has been almost 2 months since I've updated my blog. In all honesty, the past two months have both dragged and flown by. Is that even possible? Between having pneumonia, being overwhelmed at work and the start of Drama Club (I'm an advisor), I'm exhausted most of the time. I'm finding myself in bed around 7pm, after arriving home just an hour earlier from rehearsal. Our show isn't until the end of January, so I don't see things getting better in the near future.

This morning I went to spinning class at World Gym. It was a 45 minute class and I burned 700 calories according to my heart rate monitor. Not too shabby. However, it was hard. I'm not in the best shape right now after struggling through several months of complacency. Time to kick it up a notch and find ways to fit in time to exercise again. At the beginning of the year when embarking on this lifestyle change, I would not allow myself to use "I don't have time" as an excuse. I MADE the time.  Even though it really seems like I don't have the time right now, I have to find the time. If I go after rehearsal, I won't get home until close to 8. That is pretty late to eat dinner, wind down, finish up any last minute planning for school, not to mention do laundry, pick up, etc. The gym doesn't have morning classes that fit my schedule. I need to be at school by 7:30. The classes are all 6-7am, and that wouldn't leave me enough time to drive to work, let alone shower and get cleaned up. So, I'm not sure what to do. For now, I think I will definitely work out on Saturday and Sunday, and even if i just squeeze in 1-2 additional workouts for now during the week, it is surely better than nothing.

In terms of Weight Watchers, I feel like I'm finally back on track. I logged a 2.8 pound loss last week. That felt so good. I have a few more to go to get back to where I was in June. While it has saddened me to think about how much more weight I could have lost since June, I can't change the past, I can only make a plan to change the future and move forward.

In terms of infertility, you may recall I am now a patient of Strong Fertility in Rochester, about an hour from my house. The drive is nice and easy, but the other day when I had to go in the morning before work, it was tough. An hour there, and then an hour and twenty minutes back to work. I missed over 2 hours of work for a quick sonogram and blood work. But, I will do whatever I must to bring me closer to my goal of motherhood. I had to have AMH blood work (ovarian reserve test) and a sonogram. The clinic has gift money they are awarding patients, and I hope to be one of the ones they gift money to. I should find out tomorrow or Tuesday if we have been chosen. I am anxious and excited at the possibility of having another chance at pregnancy.  It seems like each time I feel like a door slams in my face, another one opens for us. This is truly our last chance. We don't even have the money to cover the remaining costs of this cycle if we are awarded the money. But, I hope we can find a way. We haven't spent a lot of time thinking about it because if the clinic comes back and tells us we weren't chosen, all that time and energy would have been spent for nothing. We simply cannot fund an entire IVF cycle right now. I'm not sure how we could in the near future either. My union at work voted to take a pay cut, and my husband's hours have been limited as well. The debt is beginning to pile up. But, we keep plugging along. What else can one do?!

If we are chosen and can find a way to fund the remaining portion of the cycle, we would start with my next period in early December because the money has to be used before the calendar year ends. I'm currently on the pill in preparation for starting an IVF cycle. If it falls through, I would simply finish out this pill pack and then stop taking it anyhow. Perhaps we would do another IUI. Now that I think about it, I probably haven't updated since my repeat HSG.

If you recall, my paperwork from Buffalo was a disaster when I received it. While sorting through it, there were some red flags that stood out to me. One being that I was told after having a tubal cannulation surgery on May 5th, 2011 that my tube was indeed unblocked. At the repeat HSG test a few weeks after the surgery, the dye spilled into the tube and my doctor told me the surgery was a success! We went on to complete more IUI cycles, complete with a "chemical" pregnancy in September that most likely was another ectopic that resolved itself early on. Well, the report from that HSG indicated that while the tube was unblocked at the uterine end, it was blocked as well at the ovarian end. The doctor never told me that. In early October, I went out to Rochester for a repeat HSG to see what was going on. The dye did spill through the tube, but the tube is grossly enlarged and deformed at the ovarian end. Dr. Vitek, my Rochester doctor, said that we could do another IUI if this money doesn't come through or if we cannot find a way to fund the remaining portion of the IVF. She said we would be monitored closely if we achieve pregnancy through IUI to ensure it is not ectopic. If it were suspected to be ectopic, she said they would treat it right away. I told her that if it were a suspected ectopic, I would want to schedule surgery right away to remove the tube, eliminating the chances of another rupture. That was an extremely difficult situation and I don't want to repeat it. Honestly, doing another IUI scares me. It is so much more emotional for me than IVF. For an IUI, I would need my right ovary to produce eggs. And, historically it doesn't do much. My left is my dominant ovary, and for IUI, it does us no good to have mature follicles on the left and smaller ones on the right. I'm not sure how I feel about the possibility of doing another IUI, but I guess if it were my only shot, I would. I just don't know right now. And thankfully, I don't have to decide today.

In other news, I have decided to go off of my depression medications. I saw my psychiatrist a little over a week ago, and at that appointment we decided to leave things the same. I was on a relatively low dose of two medications, an anti-depressant and a mood stabilizer. My doctor always tells me that the risks are minimal, and that the mental well being of the mother far outweighs the risks. I always agreed, until last weekend. I was watching the news, and there was a feature story about women on SSRI medications having higher miscarriage rates. I researched further and found that over 40 studies link birth defects to children whose mothers were on SSRI meds. There are several studies also to support the theory that SSRI meds cause preterm births and higher rates of miscarriage. While the particular medications I am on are still considered "lower" risk even in light of this information, there is still a risk. One that I don't feel comfortable with. So, I called my psychiatrist and we talked on the phone for over 45 minutes. He doesn't really support my decision to discontinue meds, but ultimately I think he recognizes it is my decision. Historically, when trying to go off of meds, I manage for 2-5 months before ending up back in his office in tears unable to cope. I'm hoping that if I get pregnant, the joy of FINALLY being pregnant will ride me out for a bit. At least through the first trimester. The bottom line is I will never know unless I try. And I'm not willing to go into an IVF cycle, one which will cost me a great deal of money, knowing this information about increased miscarriage risks, and not do anything about it. I am going into this with an open mind, and am well aware I may end up back on the medication. So be it. I will ultimately feel better knowing I tried. I still agree that a healthy mother is better than an unhealthy one. Therefore, I have enlisted the help of my closest friends. They all know me very well, and often can identify before I can that things are heading downhill for me emotionally and mentally. I have agreed to listen to them. And if they recognize things heading in the wrong direction, I will call my doctor. I'm well aware of the fact that I very likely will end up back on medication. I am OK with that. However, I feel strongly about trying to manage through a pregnancy without them. Please understand that this is a very personal decision, and I do not feel it would be the right one for every woman on SSRI meds. Please respect it is MY decision. This decision has caused me a great deal of stress, especially given my doctor doesn't fully support it. I have always respected him, and continue to, therefore making it more difficult to go against his recommendation. I just hope that given I am taking better care of myself than I ever have (losing weight, exercising, etc.) I will manage OK. I also plan on calling my counselor and making an appointment to be proactive during this time. Please know that I will delete any comments that are not supportive or are outright rude. I do not need that. I hesitated sharing this on my blog, but I've always been very open on here and wish to continue to be open.

Once I decided to go off the medication, I started researching other ways to manage moods more naturally. I have read extensive research on vitamin therapy. There is research to support that vitamins B, D and C can help with moods. There is also a supplement called myo-inositol that can greatly help with anxiety. It also has been proven effective in helping women with PCOS who also struggle with infertility.

"Myo-inositol is NOT a pharmaceutical drug. It is a naturally occurring substance produced in the human body that belongs to the vitamin B complex group. Myo-inositol is one of nine different types of inositol and can be found naturally in many foods such as fruits, nuts and beans. It is a precursor to a number of ”signaling molecules” that essentially tell cells how to behave. Of the nine different types of inositol, two have insulin-sensitizing capabilities: myo-inositol and d-chiro-inositol (My focus for this article is going to be on myo-inositol.) Myo-inositol is integral to properly functioning insulin-receptors and has also been linked to the activation of serotonin (a “feel good” hormone) receptors, which could relieve depression and improve appetite, mood and anxiety (1, 2)." De-Mystifying Myo-Inositol

I plan to continue to read more about Myo-Inositol. I have a friend who has had several consults with other clinics after suffering through several failed IVF cycles both in Rochester and Buffalo. She was recommended this supplement as part of an IVF regimen. She told me about, and I in turn told another friend about it who struggles with anxiety. This friend has since told me it has changed her life. In a matter of a couple of days. She has been taking it for about a week and "feels human again". Again, I am not a doctor. Please, if you wish to add anything to your daily regimen, talk to your doctor. I plan on talking to my doctor in Rochester after finding out about this gift money to see about adding Myo-Inositol.

In the meantime, I am starting a new vitamin regimen tomorrow. I currently take a prenatal and a B12. Once again, I am noticing pills in the toilet. I don't know what my crazy body is doing. And my doctor doesn't either. So I have decided to go to a powdered prenatal (Isotonix Prenatal) and B-complex (Isotonix B-Complex) vitamin. There are many advantages to Isotonix products. They become isotonic when mixed with water. Isotonic, which means “same pressure,” bears the same chemical resemblance of the body’s blood, plasma and tears. All fluids in the body have a certain concentration, referred to as osmotic pressure. The body’s common osmotic pressure, which is isotonic, allows a consistent maintenance of body tissues. In order for a substance to be absorbed and used in the body’s metabolism, it must be transported in an isotonic state. Isotonix dietary supplements are delivered in an isotonic solution. This means that the body has less work to do to in obtaining maximum absorption. The isotonic state of the suspension allows nutrients to pass directly into the small intestine and be rapidly absorbed into the bloodstream. With Isotonix products, little nutritive value is lost, making the absorption of nutrients highly efficient while delivering maximum results. The solutions offer the fastest and most efficient absorption of all oral forms of nutritional supplementation. Faster and more efficient absorption into the bloodstream increases the value of taking nutrient supplements. Isotonix solutions do not linger in the stomach. Because isotonic fluids pass through the stomach quickly and are rapidly absorbed into the bloodstream, many gastrointestinal discomforts can be avoided. Isotonix products are not encapsulated or compacted into a "pill form". There is no need for fillers, binders, coatings, lubricants, disintegrators or artificial coloring and flavoring. All Isotonix ingredients are from the finest naturally derived sources available.

I feel like I sound like a commercial. I apologize for that. I am just so excited to try something new that has the potential to help me feel so much better. I'm hoping I feel a difference relatively quickly. I will be sure to report back as to how I feel! Casey, my Isotonix "consultant", said with the B-complex I could feel a difference within a day or two in regards to my energy level.

I think that is all for now. How is THAT for an update?!

I promise not to disappear for so long again!