Moving forward...

I'm doing OK. Really, I am. My absence has simply been due to the fact that I've been very busy. Work, Drama Club, work, Drama Club, etc, etc, etc...

Recently, my friend texted me basically telling me to hang in there. My reply..."I can't continue to focus solely on the shitty aspects of my life (mainly infertility). My life is and will be what I make it. I need to move forward and continue to work towards being the healthiest me I can be. Who knows what the future will bring, But, I can't waste my life waiting and hoping for something that may or may not ever be. Instead, I've made the decision to carry on and carry on I will." Moving forward doesn't necessarily mean giving up. For me, it just means refocusing and perhaps putting more time and energy into things that are guaranteed to make me feel good.

When someone asks what I plan on doing in terms of infertility, I simply reply, "We are not aggressively moving forward with infertility treatments at the present time. What the future will bring, nobody knows. But in the meantime, I refuse to sit around and focus solely on achieving pregnancy when there is so much more to life."

I stopped the birth control early in the week.

I never heard back from Rochester after calling and asking the doctor to call me back at her earliest convenience. I called Tuesday early afternoon.

I've been toying with the idea of returning to Buffalo since there is a new doctor there that came from Rochester. A second IVF cycle there would be cheaper, not to mention much more convenient. We would still need to save and find a way to pay for it.

I have meds left that will expire soon that I would like to use.

I've toyed with the idea of doing an injectable cycle with timed intercourse. I've also toyed with the idea of just tracking my cycles at home (hoping I have a few regular ones again) and seeing what happens while continuing to work on losing more weight. I've been told, probably more times than I have cared to hear, that miracles happen. I'm not sure I believe that miracles happen as much as I believe that timing is everything and everything happens for a reason.

In the meantime while I sort out all my thoughts, I will continue to focus on each day as best as I can. I know some days will be better than others.

In other news, I've been taking my new Isotonix vitamins for one week. Words cannot begin to describe the difference in how I feel. I have loads of energy, and my head feels clearer. I dont want to sleep or lay around all day. I am once again accomplishing tasks around the house. I'm sleeping well consistently. Even given the recent news from Rochester, I am not curled up in a ball under the covers like I feel I would have been two weeks ago. I find it so hard to believe that within a couple of days taking these new vitamins I could feel so much better. But, there is nothing else to account for the change.

I have completely stopped taking the Zoloft and Abilify. The only medications I continue to take are the thyroid hormone and the Metformin. I was toying with going off the Metformin and looking for something more natural to supplement with, but my endocrinologist highly enoucraged me to stay on the Metformin if we think we may continue TTC or while I am trying to continue with weight loss. So, I will say on it.

I will continue with Weight Watchers and try to squeeze in exercise as often as I can during Drama season. I will not beat myself up if I don't make it to the gym given my schedule right now. I will begin doing things I enjoy again. I will focus on the positive things in life and what will be, will be in terms of my struggle with infertility.