Licking my wounds and moving forward...

Sometimes, we need to lick our wounds and move forward.

This past week has been crazy. First, I hurt my back last Wednesday. Urgent Care diagnosed it as a thoracic myofascial strain. My chiropractor said it was an impact injury from running. I will take it a bit easier in the weeks to come, but I do intend to continue running. I have The Color Run on June 16th, and then I also registered for that weekly running "class" this summer to be sure I continue training.

As I was nursing my back, my husband's step-mother passed away. My husband's brother and his wife came in and stayed with us for a few nights. It was nice to have company (albeit under shitty circumstances), and I think it helped take my mind off my back a bit.

Because of my back, and then the wake and funeral, I haven't exercised in about a week. Tomorrow, I plan on heading back to the gym for an easy elliptical workout since my back is feeling better (thanks Susan for the Biofreeze!)

Today is my last day of bereavement leave and I will be heading over to spend some time with my father-in-law. I have some banana chocolate chip oatmeal muffins in the oven to take with me. I made some veggie soup last night to take, and my husband assured me that his father would not eat that. Oh well, it is the thought that counts, right?!

The end of the school year is nearing, and I cannot wait to finish! With the weather being so nice the past few days, and my pool being open - I'm anxious for summer vacation!

And now, the news I've been dreading and debating if I wanted to share...

Last night was my weigh-in. I've lost every week since starting Weight Watchers. And while I really hoped to get all the way to goal without ever having a gain, I knew deep down it wasn't realistic. I knew I had gained this week, and I wasn't sure I was going to weigh in ('cause if you don't weigh-in, you didn't really gain, right?!). Then, Trixie's Success Story posted yesterday. Trixie is who I weigh in with each week at my WW meeting. We've become friends, and e-mail back and forth. Her Success Story went live yesterday, and I sobbed while reading it. It was EXACTLY what I needed to "hear". Trixie says, "Honestly, the difference between every other time and joining this time was simple: I just didn’t quit. When I got on that scale and it went up on occasion—which it’s going to, that’s life—I didn’t let it stop me. I got back on that scale every week. That was the key for me." Those words spoke to me. At that moment, I knew I had to face the music and weigh in.

So, I weighed in last night. I asked the receptionist (Trixie was not there this week) not to tell me. I wanted to be able to look at it when I was ready. I gained. 5 pounds. In one week. Ouch. That reinforces to me how this truly is a lifestyle that I will need to commit to for life. I can't stop tracking my food, exercising and following the WW plan. (I also told Trixie she is not allowed to miss work again!)

Today, I'm licking my wounds and moving forward. I recommitted yesterday and stayed on plan all day. It is so much harder to fall off the wagon and get back on than just getting on the first time. But, I will. I have too many people rooting for me, including myself. And, I know where I've come from and I don't want to go back there. I want to continue down the path to where I'm going...

Drum Roll Please...

As of today, I've lost 44.8 pounds (I'm down 5.8 this week alone)!! I'm very proud of this accomplishment. I get a little teary-eyed thinking about it. I've never been successful at losing/maintaining my weight. But, as I shared the other day, I made a conscious decision that this time would be different, and it WILL!

The Color Run is one month away. I'm excited, and nervous. I'm sure it will be hot, and heat, running and I don't get along all that well. In 2010, when I started running for the first time in my life, I was doing very well. I completed a 5K and a 3.5 mile run in May and early June. Then, the weather got hot. I hated sweating running in the heat, so I quit. I don't want that to happen this time. So, to combat this, I registered for a running "class" at a local running store. The class, called No Boundaries, begins in July and runs through September. On September 30th, there is a culminating 5K run. I'm excited to participate in this program. I'm thrilled I was able to identify what caused me to fail in the past, and that I made a plan and took action to prevent that from happening this time. Everyday, I'm amazed at how far I've come. Don't get me wrong - I have a long way to go. But I'm on my way, and it feels good!

I'm so thankful to my support system. I know some people travel this path alone, but I knew I couldn't. I do best when I'm accountable to not only myself, but those close to me. My close friends have been instrumental in my journey, and I'm so thankful for them.

Next stop - 50 pounds! I'd like to achieve this goal by the end of the school year on June 22nd!

Who is this girl?

I rolled out of bed at 6:15am this morning (no alarm necessary) and went for a walk/run. My shins were really hurting today, so I took it easy. I walked more than I ran, but regardless, I finished 3.5 miles in about 55 minutes. Not too shabby. I maintained a fast, steady pace and kept my heart rate in the fat burning zone.

I can't believe that I actually exercised before 7am on a weekend. A year ago, I would have laughed in your face if you told me I would EVER do that. But, times are changing. This girl is reinventing herself. On the outside, I still look like me. But on the inside, I'm morphing into a whole new person. And it sure feels good...

Motivation...or determination?

Tuesday is the day I weigh in at Weight Watchers. I go to the gym after school for my cardio workout, and then I head to WW. I lost 1.4 pounds this week for a grand total of 39 pounds lost! I can't even begin to tell you how good this makes me feel...

Tuesday's meeting topic was *motivation*. I spent the whole car ride home thinking about motivation, and wondering if it really is motivation that is keeping me going.

I realized it isn't motivation moving me forward, but determination. Determination is defined as, "the act of coming to a decision". I made a decision. I decided come hell or high water, I would lose weight and get healthy. No more starting and quitting. I decided I couldn't count on motivation to keep me going. Motivation is short-lived and comes and goes; determination is lifelong. Motivation might provide encouragement, but determination leads to action. Determination keeps us going no matter what.

So, no matter what your motivation is, it is determination that will get you there! Set goals, be motivated, but more importantly, be determined!

"A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work." ~Colin Powell

NSV...

As of last week Tuesday, I'm down a grand total of 37.5 pounds! (Not to mention I lost 5.5" this past month alone. I started doing measurements last month - chest, arms, legs, hips and waist.) I had to buy some new clothes yesterday to help me get to the end of the school year! I don't want to spend a lot of money right now, but I can't deny the fact that my pants literally are falling off. I bought a new pair of black capris for work, as well as two shirts and a dress. And the best part - I was excited to not have to shop in the plus size section! This is what we weight-watchers call a "non-scale victory", or NSV!

On Thursday, I ran outside with Kym. It. was. HARD. We ran and walked because I literally felt like I was going to die. Of course, I must mention it was like 85, windy and hilly. It was much harder than I remember my first outdoor run in 2010 being. But, the beauty of not doing as well at something as you thought you would first day out of the gate - you only have room for improvement! I have about five weeks until my 5K. I CAN and WILL do this.

Sadly, I did not do any cardio yesterday or today. (I always rest one of these two days, but not both.) I felt exhausted this week...like "asleep on the couch before Jeopardy, in bed by 8" exhausted. I needed a break. I'm pushing my body and mind harder than I ever have, and I'm not ashamed that I took a break. I just need to be sure I get back on track tomorrow with my leg and shoulder workout. Ugh...I DREAD the leg workout. It kicks my ass. I swear my friend/trainer Sarah who designed this program for me is trying to kill me. Squats. Lunges. Reverse lunges. Four sets of 20. Add in some leg extensions and leg presses. My legs scream just thinking about it! I am sore for days after. In fact, I usually am sore until the weekend after that workout.

On Tuesday, I had dinner with some of the girls from my infertility support group. In a nutshell, I felt like I don't belong there anymore. I'm still trying to process my feelings about that evening, so for now, I'll leave it at that.

Ok, it is time for me to have my treat I've been looking forward to all day. My strawberry shortcake!

Am I officially a gym rat?

Yesterday, I received a card in the mail to join a new gym. Catalyst Express. (Gold's Gym is changing their name to Catalyst Fitness.) It is much closer than the one I currently go to. It hasn't opened yet, but they are planning on a May 15th opening.

It is $9.99 per month with no contract. While I'm in a 2-year contract with my other gym (also a $9.99 per month membership), I figured this one would save me so much time and gas. So, I now have two gym memberships! And if it doesn't work out or I don't like it, I quit. In the past, I would spend $20/month on crap. Now, I'm choosing to spend $20/month on my health and fitness goals. So worth it.

I will still go to my original gym for my weekend workout, as I grocery shop next store at the Wegman's after my workout. So I will be using both memberships!

Some details:

Current gym: 16 miles from home and work, approximately 30-35 minute ride when traffic is light (usually it takes me about 40-45 to get home in traffic)
New gym: 11 miles from home and 7 miles from work, approximately 20 minute ride from home regardless of traffic, 15 minutes from work

I use the gym for cardio workouts. I mainly use the treadmill and elliptical. I do my weight training at home in the basement. We have free weights, an adjustable bench and a Schwinn 790 professional home gym. I also have a recumbent bike and spinning bike. (Yet, sadly, I have no motivation to do cardio at home!)

I'm training for the 5K Color Run in Cleveland, Ohio on June 16th, so I'm primarily using the treadmill right now. Today, I walked .25 then ran .25 for a total of 4 miles. I ran 2 miles total. Working up to 3 miles slowly. I don't want to burn out or risk injury. In 2010, when I began running, I ended up with shin splints because I pushed so hard. This time, slow and steady wins the race! I also have plantar fascitis, so I'm taking it easy. I do plan, however, to run the entire 5K. I have 7 weeks of training left.

My dear friend Kym is running the race with me. I'm so lucky to have great friends in my life who support me! (Thanks Sherri, Kym, Sarah and Melissa!) And thanks to my mother for her support!

Update (and a promise to blog more often...)

I'm so sorry I haven't been updating my blog this past month. I've been keeping very busy and doing well. I've been working hard getting into a workout routine. Since my gym is about 30 minutes from my house, three days a week I travel for an hour, not including my actual workout time. I do my weight training at home as we have a basement full of weight training equipment!

I'm currently down a grand total of 34.8 pounds since my failed IVF! (21.4 since joining WW!) I'm very proud of this, as in the past when working on losing weight, I'd given up by this point.

I've had a few people ask me what I'm doing and what's working for me...

1. I track EVERY morsel of food I put in my mouth - the good, the bad and the ugly. Even if I go over my PP (points plus) for the day, I track it. Seeing it in print makes me accountable. And the reality is that even if I don't honestly track what I eat, my body will and it will show on the scale.

2. I pan ahead. I plan my grocery shopping instead of just walking into the store without a plan. I also plan out my meals. My husband used to do all the cooking, but now I cook for myself. (He won't eat what I make. He is a very picky eater. I'll leave it at that.) I've found several websites with delicious WW recipes! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE EMILY BITES! I also get ideas/recipes from JILLIANS KITCHEN and SKINNY TASTE.

3. I exercise. I know, I know, the dreaded E-word. I do cardio on Tuesday, Thursday and one weekend day. I do weights M, W, F. M is legs and shoulders, W is back and biceps, F is chest and triceps. My cardio consists of either the treadmill or elliptical. I'm mainly running/walking right now since I'm training for a 5K June 16th. Yesterday, I walked .25 miles and ran .5 miles for a total of 3.1 miles. I ran a total of 2 miles!

4. I stopped drinking soda. This was a big change for me, as I <3 Coca Cola. I have a sip, literally just a sip, maybe once a week out of my husbands Coke. I drink water, plain or with a sugar-free flavor packet in it.

5. I go to my WW meeting EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK. Someone this week at my meeting compared the meeting to like filling up your gas tank. You can only go so far before you need to fill up. I couldn't have made a better comparison.

6. I visit several blogs daily. I've found blogs of other WW'ers and others who have lost weight. I find it motivating to learn about other peoples successes and struggles.

7. I eat lots of fruits and veggies. I don't reach for crap food anymore when hungry. I reach for fruit if I want a snack. My favorite F&V's right now are acorn squash, spinach, bananas, strawberries, red grapes and blueberries. This is not to say that I've cut out treats. I had chocolate ice cream the other night. That is the beauty of WW - you can eat anything as long as you account for it.

Some days are harder than others, but overall, I'm not struggling as I have in the past. I won't say it is easy, because it isn't. But, I'm determined. Persistent. Motivated by my desire to achieve pregnancy in the future.

I shared my infertility journey (the abbreviated version) with my group this week at WW. (My group is 100+ people). People there seemed touched. I really am lucky to have so many friends, family and strangers rooting for me.

I promise to get back to posting more frequently. If you are still reading, thank you for continuing to follow me. Please leave a comment with any tips you have for losing weight/getting fit!