Negative

My beta this morning came back and my hcg level is back in the negative range already.

What does this mean? I'm not having a third ectopic pregnancy. What I had is called a chemical pregnancy, which is essentially a very early miscarriage. While I am relieved I am not having a third ectopic, I now face a whole new set of worries about pregnancy loss. While I know that chemical pregnancies are common, could this be a signal that something else is amiss? Should I ignore this and assume it was just a fluke? I did that with my first ectopic, and then was blessed with a second one. I need to trust and have faith in my thoughts and feelings. I need to investigate this until I feel satisfied.

My Dr. himself called me this afternoon, and he feels it is time to move on to IVF. When I came to the clinic over 2 years ago, Femara (an oral medication taken for 5 days) was going to be my saving grace. And here I am, 2 years and 2 months later facing IVF.

Emotionally, I am bottoming out. I'm tired. I'm heartbroken. I'm uncertain about our future and I'm scared. And at the same time, I feel numb.

Again, I sincerely thank those of you who have reached out to me. And thank you for following my journey.

“To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping.”