4 days after being canceled I am still devastated. It is after 1pm here and I am still in bed. I have no desire to get out of bed today. I woke up this morning and my chest and stomach ached with sadness. This sadness is so deep. I've been crying all morning, and when I think there are no tears left, I cry some more.
I called the psychologist who runs our support group today to make an appointment. I will see her on Thursday at noon. I really hope she is able to help me process these emotions and ultimately, feel better. This is the saddest I have felt on this entire TTC journey. I think it is all finally catching up with me. I definitely cannot go on like this much longer...
I am really really sorry and just so sad for you. You know I am not one of those people that thinks these awful things are "meant to be" or that there is some stupid silly answer for why they happen- but I just KNOW that there has to be a beautiful light at the end of this tunnel for you. You are a truly AMAZING person and you do such a great job of picking up the pieces each time you "get handed lemons" (hardy har har, aren't I witty) and getting a good attitude for the next round. You know as well as anyone that is all you can do, but also know that you are allowed to feel broken sometimes. You can't always ignore how it feels to be disappointed over and over again, so give yourself permission to feel like total shit for a bit. Because I know that you will be right back to your positive outlook self soon enough. I hope you get to feeling better quickly!
ReplyDeleteAnd of course, as you know, I am always here for you! :)