I apologize for being MIA the past few days. I'm a Drama Club advisor at my school and our play was Friday and Saturday. The kids did a great job! But man, am I exhausted. Rehearsals daily until 5:00 since November, it seems I haven't been home in daylight hours in months. I've slept on and off all day today and it felt great!
Now it is back to reality - and facing the BFN. I have a consult appointment with my Dr. on February 7th. I don't even know what to ask. I know that there is no way to know why this cycle failed, but I just wish there was something he could tell me. Maybe I just need closure, I don't know. I really can't process the feelings I'm having yet. I can't even identify all of the feelings I'm having, other than the obvious extreme sadness.
I wish I knew how to get through this without suffering so much. My heart aches so badly. How have you, my readers who have gotten a BFN, coped? What did you do to feel better? How did you manage day to day when you didn't know what the future would bring?
I don't know what our next step will be. Financially, we are not in a position to be able to try IVF again. I just don't know what will happen...but deep down I feel I can't give up on my dreams of motherhood. I'm not ready to succumb to a child free life yet.
Praying for you.... We have our beta on Friday (no info on this cycle on our blog though).
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. For me, the only thing that helped get over a BFN was to keep trying. I k we it would happen eventually. The problem with IVF is everyone just assumes it will work on the first try and that is just not the reality of it. 2 out of every 3 cycles fail. All you can do is move forward. I wish you the best. Also, I did stuff that I couldn't do if I was pregnant....hot tubs, massages, etc.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been through IVF (yet!) but when I got the disgnosis of MFI it felt like such a blow to my reality. I wish I could tell you how to feel better....I think its just a matter of time. For me, planning our next attempt helps me feel like I am at least moving forward. But like you, $$ is a huge factor. My heart aches for you and I hope you find peace. It is NOT over. It's a bump in the road.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Rebecca, enjoy stuff you couldn't do if you were pregnant for a little while, (hot tubs, drinks with friends, espressos & lattes, etc).
ReplyDeleteWe didn't go through with IVF yet, we cancelled it, but I am grieving all the same. What's helping me right now is a book that encouranges more conservative/natural approaces to infertility, it's called "Making Babies." I have info about it on the books section of my blog and it is helping me to feel like maybe we can take some sense of control back until we can save up for a few years for IVF again.